keep walking – Keziah Elaine Ayikoru

REJECTION? Take No Offense

I’m subscribed to John-Paul Iwuoha’s emails. He is the founder of Smallstarter Africa whose website link I will share at the end of this post. I recommend that every entrepreneur follow this website and subscribe to their mailing list. You will learn a lot!

One of the attitudes he suggests an entrepreneur should have is a “win or learn” attitude. He says there is no losing, only winning and learning. I agree with this and I know firsthand what this means.

When you put yourself out into any situation, you take the risk of being accepted or rejected. I regularly apply for many growth programs for both personal and business growth. Sometimes I get accepted and other times, I get rejected. But one thing is certain – I learn something new about myself and my business every single time I apply. The questions asked in the applications and the interviews spur me to think of new ways to solve existing problems and further improve or highlight strengths.

Earlier this year I was shortlisted for the Mandela Washington Fellowship. That in itself was an achievement because about three years ago I applied and wasn’t even shortlisted. This showed me that growth has happened since the last time I applied. I walked into the interview room at the embassy confident having revised and prepared. The first question landed like a hammer on my head though. It shook my confidence almost immediately. I can’t remember my answer but I did my best to answer as best as I could in that frame of mind. Throughout the rest of the interview, I kept on feeling rises and falls. I know I answered some questions well but I also know I truly did terribly in others. The interview brought all the great, good, bad and ugly out into the light. Bit by bit I could see the things I had done well and also the things I was failing at in the business at that point.

I didn’t get in for the fellowship but that interview pushed and stretched me in so many ways. The positive results will stretch on for a long time and the solutions I am working on in the business right now will leave a lasting impact. I learnt.

I have also applied for other programs and been accepted such as the British Council Creative Enterprise Program happening this week. I can’t wait to soak in all the knowledge and chew on it so that I can apply it to the business and pass on what I have acquired to others too.

As an artist, my work is subject to people’s opinions and comments quite often. In addition to being a fashion designer; I design buildings (architecture); I write and perform poetry and sing. I have a few song melodies and original compositions sitting idle gathering dust but I will dust them up soon and show them to the world because kept to myself, my work has no power to impact any one.

We must keep putting ourselves, and our work out there. We must keep sharing and looking for growth. Some people will applaud us while others will frown at us. Not everyone will appreciate what you do, and not everyone is supposed to anyway! Everyone has different tastes and preferences. Every program has its guidelines and requirements. Every client has different needs.

We are not entirely responsible for the reception of our work because even when we do our best to present it in the best light, the other party is always a variable. They come into the equation with their own backgrounds and experiences. We are only responsible for the way we present our work and ourselves. We are responsible too for our own perspectives and the way they shape our growth.

So the next time you face rejection, take no offense. There is no losing, only winning and learning.

As promised, here is the link www.smallstarter.com.

Wishing you a lovely week with the warmest of regards,

Keziah.

Living in the How of Now

If you must live, live purposefully.

Live wholesomely.

Don’t waste your days dwelling in the unknown tomorrow.

If you do, someone else, your days, might borrow.

Live in the now.

Live in the how.

If you must breathe, breathe happily.

Life is not meant to be lived grumpily.

I am speaking to myself too, you see

I have been living in my tomorrows

And dwelling on my yesterdays

So I was seldom in the moment

Letting today’s joy pass me by

Letting yesterday’s pain cripple me

I have lived in the now too

But what if I always did?

What if you and I were to pause

Not project or postpone but right this second repose

Find rest, find refreshment in simple words transferred

From my mind to yours

In a heartbeat, you, feel what I feel

Drawing from anything these words instill

In this instant you and I can live together

For once this instant is gone

It is gone forever.

And in the coming minutes, breathe on, live on.

For if you must breathe, breathe gladly

If you must live, live delightedly.

Not waiting for the accomplishment of your dreams

Not waiting for the end of the storm

But right here, right now

Stop and smile

Breathe in, breathe out

Live in the how of now.

While wondering what to post today, I reflected on my own recent activities and “busyness” and how we often get so caught up in doing activities that we often forget to just be fully present wherever we are and take in the moments as they are. More than this, we forget to enjoy life and pick something positive from every moment. It is true that not every moment will be pleasant and yes there are moments where enjoyment is extremely hard. It is natural to feel both the ups and downs but it is not natural to dwell forever in those moments. To dwell on something is a choice. To choose a perspective about something is also a choice and depending on our chosen perspective, we can turn negative things into positive. I’m sure you’ve seen two people who are in the exact same position and the only difference is in the perspective and choice made to either overcome or be subdued by the situation. We can, by choice, make the most of every situation.

Most importantly, when you have happy moments, enjoy them with everything in you. Laugh, roll on the floor.

Be truly present with your loved ones. Enjoy them.

And finally, to live in the how of now wherever you are and whatever you are doing, give it your all and your best in that moment. That is how you empty yourself of your purpose, dreams and destiny – by being your best, always. So whether you are relaxing with family, at your job, in your business, at a wedding or at a funeral, be present. Always ask, what positive light can I add to this moment? Be love, be wisdom, be encouragement, be strength. Be JOY – a quality of contentment that remains unchanged in and out of season.

Live in the how of now.

Have a joyous and life-filled week.

With love,

Keziah.

P.S. Feature photo by Daniel Msirikale.

NOELINE KIRABO’S STORY part 1

Noeline is an author, writer, motivational speaker, life coach, career mentor, trainer, social entrepreneur and business development consultant.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

It was a cloudy and threatening-to-rain day when I made my way to Kalerwe to the Kyusa offices. Noeline’s directions were precise to the dot and I got to the right office without any hiccups. Okay well, almost no hiccups. I almost went toward the wrong door until I spotted the Kyusa poster on the first door. Her welcome was warm. She sat next to an open window that showed an overgrown wild bush in the neighbouring plot. I had looked forward with anticipation to chatting with this vibrant young lady. Seated opposite her, I started asking her some questions. Her answers flowed like a river and her joyous laughter was plentiful.

Tell us a bit about your background and early childhood

“I was born in Jinja, then we relocated. I grew up in old Kampala for the biggest part of my life. It was an urban slum community and quite an experience because from a young age I got to see people hustle. I saw the challenges that people go through, the suffering and pain, the vulnerability and young girls becoming pregnant and eloping. That is where my connection comes from when it comes to community work because these are things I’ve seen and experienced. It is not something I read and researched about.

I was very sickly growing up so I had my own dynamic. On one side I was very fragile while on another side I was very adventurous so the combination was a big twist for many people. You either knew one side or the other side so my mum would go to school and argue how her daughter is purely innocent and the teachers would look at her with a you-have-no-idea-what-your-daughter-can-do look. I was quiet and reserved yet quite naughty. You’d walk into class and think ‘it can’t be her’ and yet everything tells you ‘it must be her’.” She laughed.

“Also, because I was sickly, I was exempted from many things such as punishment and the hard work. So at some point I took the same laissez faire attitude with my academics. I knew that even if I flunked, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. This went on until either P.5 or P.6, when I was forced to repeat a class and that was a wake up call for me.

I was taller than most of the people in my class so it was on that basis that my sister insisted I don’t repeat because it would kill my esteem. She advocated for me to change schools. At that time, I was in Mengo primary and I was moved to Bat Valley primary. It was at that point that I woke up and improved my academics. I wanted to prove myself and I realized that if I just put in a little effort, I’d actually get stuff done. I was very good with the Arts. Mathematics was my biggest challenge, (laughs) I guess still is, but I’ve come a long way.

For secondary I was put in Wanyange boarding school and that was a whole other experience because being sickly, away from home and having been pampered all my life, there I was. I had cousins in higher classes who watched out for me but that was my transition into independence, just learning to be able to stand. At first I became a bully then I outgrew it. I would get people to do stuff for me. Then I found my way into a leadership space though sadly at first, I used that to still get people to do stuff for me. Then I think it’s in my A level that I got to really serve and not to just get people to do stuff for me.”

Curious, I ask her what sparked that urge to change and use leadership for real service.

“I’d grown up in church all my life but it’s at that point that I became really serious with God. It was during my senior 4 transition. My mum fell sick and it’s in that moment that my faith meant more to me than anything. By the time I got to A-level I was really grounded and that’s what changed my perspective. I’m now a leader not to get privileges but basically to empower and mentor other people. I was a head girl and head of scripture union fellowship in my A-levels.”

How did your journey proceed after high school?

“After I did my high school, I passed and was admitted to university as a private student. I was super excited. However, I realized I wasn’t able to go to university. Mum was sick and going through chemotherapy. There was no money for university. I was brought to a place where I had to drop out not because I was daft or I didn’t want to study but because of matters out of my control. So that put me on a totally different path. To build my first CV, I did a number of online courses and that’s how I got a job which gave me formal training.”

What inspired you to get up and move forward from that discouragement of not being able to go to university?

“During that time I spent a lot of time with my mum in hospital taking care of her. Cancer, as a disease in Uganda was only starting to get on the rise and the perception toward it was similar to that of AIDS whereby it was assumed that when you get it, you die. But interestingly, my mum refused to die and it is something she verbalized. She said ‘I refuse to die’ and it would annoy me like crazy because I thought that it was her fate due to the general perception. A year later my mum actually pulled through and she is one of those cancer survivors that has no side effects…for me that was a miracle and the fact that she said she refused to die and that she needed to see her grand children, it was proof that her will kept her alive. So that’s where I picked the will to push for my dreams, to know that no matter where you are, you can actually push against the tides. I had seen her practically do it.

I had wanted to be a journalist or lawyer so at that point I asked myself what it was about those two professions that I loved. I realized it was that I wanted to speak for the vulnerable and bring justice in some way. So I started reading very wide and realized I was more interested in humanities and that took shape for me. I hate it when people are marginalized and I want to do my part to make a difference everyday.”

So how and when did you start the different initiatives that you run and what was the progression from one to the other? Did it all happen at once?

“Definitely not all at once. My very first initiative was Kyusa which I started in 2014. I left my last formal employment in 2012 and took a gap year in 2013 where I got a scholarship to go to India and do a course in social entrepreneurship. That helped shape the idea of what I wanted to do and this led to the launch of Kyusa, my first organization that I started from scratch. It’s been an experience and it was my first baby.

In 2015, I started getting offers from people who wanted me to do consultancy or training for them that didn’t fit within the Kyusa framework. This led to the birth of Newen consults, a company I started in partnership with a friend. Newen Consults does personal and business development consulting. Kyusa still remained my main focus though.

Around that time, I was mentoring and coaching young women and there a was period when seven women approached me for personalized coaching and mentoring around the same time. I knew that it would be a stretch for me. I prayed about it and that gave me the idea to do group mentoring. After that group mentoring pilot, there were people on the wait list already. This gave birth to the New Generations Mentoring program. This program was branded under Newen Consults. This has been running since 2016 and now we are in the fifth cohort. It’s been an amazing journey.

While doing business consultation, one of the things that bothered me was how there was little space for faith as a woman within the different business transactions. It was this that led me to read and research about “Kingdom Business” and interestingly there was not so much information about it. I had questions like at what point do I tithe as the business? At what point do I uphold my faith in business? Is there room for it because I can’t be one person and then another when it comes to business. So for a year we had this whatsapp group where we basically discussed business as women. We talked about tithe, prayer in business, sharing the gospel with workmates and so on. The network itself just grew over time. It’s not something that I woke up and decided to do. However, because I had started the initiative, I came on board as the founding president. We structured and registered it as the Christian Women’s Entrepreneurship Network and put in place a committee that runs it. This took effect in 2017.

Next in 2017 when I wanted to do my book launch for Find Your Significance, I published my book under Newen consults and now in addition, we offer this service as well as nurturing and training upcoming young authors and helping them launch their books.”

I had more questions and there is much more wisdom to be gleaned from Noeline. Let’s drink in this knowledge together slowly and fully. The second part of this interview will be published next Sunday on this same blog.

I believe you are looking forward to it too 🙂 .

See you next Sunday.

Best regards,

Keziah.

PRECIOUS SOMEONES: Celebrating People

I’m particularly excited about the next few weeks for we are going to be diving into the journeys and lives of some awesome and inspiring people. I am enjoying the process of learning from them and I hope you will too.

The first blog post I did on this platform had one of my favourite quotes:

“There is no such thing as a ‘self-made’ man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.”

-George Matthew Adams-

My prayer is that as you read these stories of strength, courage, hope, love, faith, determination etcetera, that you will be encouraged and strengthened. I pray that these words will enter into the make up of you and that this will cause a great growth in you, and add to your foundation and faith in your ability to make it through anything and achieve all you want to achieve.

I love people.

And I love reading, watching and hearing people’s stories.

Humankind has an inherent strength that radiates from deep within one’s soul. No matter a person’s background, embedded within is the natural desire to be more and to do more. Many people around the world are conquering different mountains and rising above to excel greatly in all they put their minds to. Telling their stories is how we get the rest of the world to learn from their journeys.

Telling people’s stories and passing them on to the next generation is a form of education. Those that come after us are able to connect with people that came before and apply lessons learned relevantly to their own journeys.

Connection is another important aspect of sharing stories. Other people get to understand that they aren’t alone in their struggles and therefore, they too can overcome.

Last week I heard a phenomenal story of a young lady who had a troubled past. Let’s call her Shanty. She is opening up and continues to share to her story. Through sharing her story, a lady who is in a similar situation that Shanty had been in decided against committing suicide. From Shanty’s story, she got the courage to live because she found out that her situation did not have to be the end of her life. That’s the power of sharing stories of hope and strength. They cause transformation, revolution, renewal and they literally give dry bones a new lease of life.

I encourage you to tell your story.

I also encourage you to learn from other people’s stories.

The first story I’ll share is of Noeline Kirabo, a young and energetic Ugandan lady. She is an author, writer, motivational speaker, life coach, career mentor, trainer, business development consultant and social entrepreneur. If you feel she does a lot from this list, there is still much more. How did she become all this? How does she manage to do all this? How did she start? Where do her passions lie? She answers these questions and so many more.

Join me on this journey. I’ll be sharing quotes from her most recent book “Finding Your Significance” all through the week on this facebook page. Watch out for her interview next Sunday, same time, same blog. Until then, have a great week.

Best regards,

Keziah.

NOTE: Most of the images used on this blog currently, are downloaded from the internet through random searches. Where an image source is not acknowledged, this blog DOES NOT claim ownership of it and we therefore acknowledge alternative ownership. Thank you.

IT TAKES TIME!

I was sitting across my mentor when she said to me, “It takes time”.

She was referring to growing a business. It takes time to nurture it before it can produce lasting fruit. Consistency in the market place builds trust in your business, when people see that you continue to exist and progress year in year out. Eventually, you begin to attract more clientele and start to thrive. Trust is seldom built instantly.

At that moment though, “it takes time” was not what I wanted to hear because I was exhausted. And yet, strangely, lying in those three words, I found comfort and reassurance. I found a calmness of mind and a call to patience that settled my heart.

When starting any venture, it’s important to recognize that you are entering a new realm of experiences. As such, you will need the ingredient of patience with both yourself and your venture.

Foundations Depending on the venture you are building, take some time to build the appropriate foundations you need. They will serve as an anchor when times get tough. More importantly, good foundations are a consistent solid base upon which everything else stands. Get the right people around you and on your team. Seek out the right life-giving ideas and plans to get you on the right path.

Flexibility of Design There is always room to adjust something that you may have got wrong previously, especially in the initial stages of your venture. Pace yourself. It’s your venture. Just like design, which is fluid in nature and goes backwards and forwards during the process, you can adjust the plan and activities as you go along.

Commitment to the Journey There is no way to over-emphasize a commitment to the journey. Be in it for the long haul. Play the long game and don’t be distracted by short-term and temporary wins or loses. Celebrate the short wins but keep moving forward, not allowing them to puff you up with pride. Learn from the loses and pick yourself up very quickly and keep moving onward and forward. I have addressed the importance of the journey in better detail in The Process Matters .

Know this: most things that are worth a lot will require their due labour. The value of hard, smart and persistent work cannot be underestimated. Most people that eventually succeed do so not because they are the most brilliant but because they applied persistence and patience over a certain period of time while traversing different challenges. Victory usually comes after a fairly won battle.

When I established The House of Kea, I was stepping into new territory. I have come a long way. I am not where I want to be but I am certainly not where I was. My victory will come from learning the lessons due from this season and using them to propel forward. It’s still taking time but there is progress and growth, and that matters most.

So be encouraged, it takes time.

Love,

Keziah.

NOTE: Most of the images used on this blog currently, are downloaded from the internet through random searches. Where an image source is not acknowledged, this blog DOES NOT claim ownership of it and we therefore acknowledge alternative ownership. Thank you.

The Process Matters

Have you heard the saying, “The end justifies the means”? It is commonly used to excuse an erroneous process of achieving something, claiming that all that matters is the end product. How true could this statement be?

Well, in Robert T. Kiyosaki’s book titled Increasing Your Financial IQ, he says, “…the process is more important than the goal”. He argues that the process is what refines a person’s mindset and enables them be able to achieve a certain goal.

Furthermore, Bishop T.D. Jakes in one of his sermons said, “We want promotion without process.” He spoke about a prevailing microwave generation that desires quick results without the strenuous journey of growing and building, and yet it is the process we go through that enables us to mature and place ourselves in paths of significance, where we can finally achieve impact, holistic success and worthwhile recognition where it is due.

I also believe that holistic success relies heavily on a correct process. There are no shortcuts. But what is a correct process?

First, a correct process requires a certain dying to “self” so that a new and bigger thing can be born. John 12:24 says, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.” This means you may need to unlearn certain habits and learn new ones. You may have to move to a new location, change the company you keep, and so on. The basic principle is making a big shift in your mind so that you are open to new ways and new possibilities. It is leaving behind old things for new things. This dying to self is not a one-time thing for success is not achieved in one go but rather a continual process that requires sensitivity to the seasons of life, so that you make decisions with wisdom within season.

In addition, a correct process inspires growth and builds character. There is an element of overcoming challenges by solving puzzles. The victory rests in perseverance and endurance. Romans 5: 3-4 says, “…but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; ⁴and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” While a shady and dubious process such as bribing your way through may attain you the final goal, it will most likely leave you with little to no growth or true fulfillment. What’s more, you won’t even have the confidence to confidently share your journey for fear of being discovered. Let us instead adopt a problem-solver’s mindset and perseverance with the right attitude.

George Matthew Adams, an American newspaper columnist and founder of the George Matthew Adams Newspaper Service, once said, “ Character is greater than talent, genius, fame, money, friends – there is nothing to compare with it. A man may have all these and yet remain comparatively useless – be unhappy – and die a bankrupt in soul. ” We are building character when we tackle different challenges and endure the process faithfully without taking shortcuts.

In addition, a correct process involves a form of good mentorship directly or indirectly. I have never heard of a happily successful person that said their path did not include a precedent in the form of a person or a word. Either, they watched and learnt from a successful person’s path, listened to guidance from that person or read wise advice from an article or story. There is always a guidance factor whether it is a one-on-one close-knit mentorship, or a learning of good practices from different places. Sometimes mentorship happens by accident but a wise person will seek it out actively.

One of my favourite all time quotes is by George Matthew Adams.

He says, “There is no such thing as a ‘self-made’ man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.”

The journey is the most important part of our aspirations for it molds us. I know the process may be frustrating and many times we may be tempted to give up. However, let’s hold firm knowing victory lies on the other side of the challenge. Let us actively enjoy the process it will take for us to arrive at our due promotion.

Have a beautiful week ahead.

Regards,

Keziah.

NOTE: Most of the images used on this blog currently, are downloaded from the internet through random searches. Where an image source is not acknowledged, this blog DOES NOT claim ownership of it and we therefore acknowledge alternative ownership. Thank you.

29 at 29

This 4^th December, 2017, I turn 29. As I countdown the minutes, I reflect on a few lessons I’ve learnt. These are the 29 that came to mind this cool evening. I’m still learning, still growing, getting wiser and stronger. A happy birthday to me. Have a great read.

Keep God at the center. I must keep my focus on Him, His character and who I am in Him, keeping grounded and rooted in His faithfulness, peace and abundance. All else follows this.
Family is prime and friends are a special kind of family. It is true what they say – blood is thicker than water. I really thank God for my family. They have shown me what it means to be family. It is a special kind of unconditional setting where one can find acceptance and support in every kind of circumstance. We aren’t perfect but we are family and that’s what truly matters. And then there are friends – the people who don’t have to love you but they do anyway and go above and beyond to be there for you. Friends are a special kind of family and I should always treat them specially for they have chosen to love me.
Self matters. This is a lesson that I am still learning. It is so easy to get caught up in work and errands and leave little to no time for myself. I need to schedule time for dates with me where I treat myself or just relax.
Rejection is not a confirmation of failure. You simply need to get back up and try again elsewhere or at a different time. Most people who have had some level of success have also tasted some level of rejection. I’ve applied for a number of programs I haven’t been accepted for and yet I have also applied for a number of programs that I have been accepted for. So, move on or try again later. Try and try some more. The only sure failure is when you haven’t tried at all.
Great things are rarely achieved in isolation. Build valuable networks. You know how they say your network is your net-worth, there is truth to this. The solutions one seeks will more often than not come from within ones already built network.
Hard work never killed anyone. My mum keeps telling me this and I can testify that no matter how many nights I have stayed up working or how much effort I have had to apply to certain things, I am still alive, still growing, still learning and getting better everyday. Some say work smart, not hard. I think smart work does not eliminate the need for hard work but it simply makes it better and more efficient. So, work hard and smart!
Use what you have. No matter how much or how little you have in terms of resources, you’ll probably still feel you need more. I’ve learnt to look at my present circumstances and create solutions around my available resources. If I do this, I learn that I actually have more than I thought I did.
Discipline is key in order to get things done. I’ve learnt that it’s important to free myself from clutter and focus on what I have set out to do. Commitment is a word that goes very well with discipline. One has to be committed to their family, friends, plans and goals. Without discipline, you won’t finish much in life. Excuses stink. My friend just told me this, this evening when I didn’t post my article on time for the third time. When he said it, “ouch!” was my first reaction but there is so much truth to this. If something or someone is important to you, you’ll find ways to meet your commitments. Period!
Be sensitive to changing seasons. It is crucial for me to be sensitive to seasons as they come and go so that I am never pining for something outside its season. I have wasted a lot of time “crying” for things that are to be fulfilled in future such as marriage. In contrast, I have also spent too much time crying over the spilt milk of a season past such as a failed relationship. However, I have found that when I simply focus on the season I am in and do my best to get the best out of that season, I am more fulfilled and happier.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them”. This is a quote by the late Dr. Maya Angelou. I have learnt to stop waiting for people to change or expecting them to. If they change, they will find me wherever I am and we will pick it up from there. However, I will not wait on people on the basis of their latent potential alone. If someone shows me who they are, I will believe them. This does not mean I don’t have faith in people. I do. I will simply not have certain expectations of others when they don’t have those expectations of themselves to begin with.
Wait it out. When faced with a tough decision and I am in doubt, more often than not, the right decision is to wait to out until I have clarity over which direction to take. I need to avoid making decisions in haste or panic.
Perception can change yellow to black and viceversa. How we perceive things has the power to change a rainy day into a sunny day and viceversa. My ability to keep the right perspective determines how I make use of any situation. Last week I had a bad experience with a client. I could have easily given up but instead, I chose to view the experience as a lesson that could help me propel forward. I did my best and came out victorious. The end product was a happy client and a wiser me.
I am unique and that is a potential, not a disadvantage. In the past, I struggled with the aspects that make me unique, wanting instead to fit in and perhaps be more acceptable communally. I learnt though that stifling my various unique abilities prevents me from truly living in abundance of all I can be. I owe no one an explanation of my uniqueness. However I owe my God and myself an explanation and accountability for all my unique qualities, how they’ve grown and impacted others.
People matter more than what they can or can’t do. Treat all people well and with respect. Human beings are flawed and prone to err. People have disappointed me but they still matter. When one disappoints me, I can choose to look at that act they did in isolation for eternity or I can choose to have a well-rounded perspective and endeavor to still maintain peace between us. Maintaining peace does not mean I have to make them my best friend. It simply means I need to forgive and give grace still. Sometimes, in the case of the ones close to me, getting past a wrongdoing can even stand to bring us closer.
Ask for forgiveness. This is one of the most basic and yet most powerful lessons I have learnt. Saying sorry when I’ve wronged someone is priceless and acts like a pain balm on a wounded area. It provides a conducive environment for emotional wounds to heal.
Knowing myself is paramount for me to choose the right direction and path for my life. In addition, knowing myself is not a one-time activity but rather a life-long process. There are things I will love and do for a season and others for lifetime. Self-discovery is a journey I have grown to love and be an active participant of.
Depression is real but it can be actively overcome. I’ve been depressed a number of times for different reasons. The first step in getting over it is simply admitting the depression and then actively finding a positive solution that works in that season and time. I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all solution but being cognizant of a depressed state helps one choose to step out of it. It’s like wearing a dirty cloth and acknowledging it is dirty so that you can change. Some will deny that it’s dirty, others will accept the dirty cloth as their fate but one has to choose to change and I chose to not be depressed.
Negative feedback can be good. Being in design fields, my work is constantly subject to critique. I have learnt that the people who out-rightly tell me the things that they do not like are the ones that have pushed me outside my comfort zone to grow and perfect my craft(s).
Someone who has to lose you in order to appreciate you, may never truly value you. This needs a longer post for elaboration but in short, someone who truly knows your value in their life, will not need to lose you first and if they do, they’ll run back quickly to apologize instead of sauntering back with laxity. I have learnt this the hard way.
Be authentic. With all the pressure that this world holds, one must still stay true to oneself and share their true selves with others. Being real and authentic about my thoughts and experiences makes me more relatable. I have found that there is less pressure when I am simply being me and sharing different facets of my life in the most genuine way I can. I let people know that I have struggles but I also let them know that I have great victories. Every human being is dynamic and multi-dimensional. It is therefore pretentious to project only one side or a false image altogether.
I am my own brand. Wherever I go, I am my own brand. I have learnt that every detail counts, right from the words that come out of my mouth to the hairstyle I wear. The way I look and speak says something about me and it is foolishness to think that it doesn’t matter. We live in a world where the way a person perceives you starts on the outside. It is therefore my job to project the right image and give people a good “brand experience” of myself.
All the talent in the world is irrelevant if it doesn’t meet an actual need. I have learnt to find ways to use my talent to serve someone in some way. I believe God did not give unique abilities to people for self-gratification only. The bigger purpose for talent, in my opinion, is that we would have something uniquely special to offer our communities.
Be proactive. The best gift we have as humans is the gift of choice and I think the worst crime a person can do is to deprive others of their right to choice. Being proactive means you understand that you are ultimately in control of your life. You are responsible for the way your life turns out so instead of being passive and reactive only, be proactive. Go out and seek the opportunities you need. Seek ways to change your circumstances if you are not pleased with them. In the times I have been proactive, I have gained a sense of control and power over my circumstances.
Opportunities follow purpose. Great opportunities usually follow people who are walking in their purpose and excelling. I have made it my mission to ensure that I am always walking in what I believe is my purpose whether I am writing an article or designing a building etc. Purpose, to me, is not an element that exists in isolation on some utopian level. It is a down-to-earth reality that can create a positive difference in everything I do.
It’s not all about money. It’s important to give back to people and to do favours for people with no monetary expectation just like others do the same for me. Not all of life can be counted in monetary terms and non-monetary value is even more important ultimately.
It takes time. Success rarely comes instantly, Big dreamers like me want to “conquer the world” metaphorically speaking. However these big dreams take time to mature. A lot of work and perseverance has to go in to them.
Gratitude is the right attitude. Being grateful for what I have gives me positive energy and surprisingly attracts more blessings into my life. Gratitude attracts a higher altitude!
I have to have faith in me. Self-doubt is one of the things I have to overcome in order to move forward and move beyond my self-imposed limitations. Having faith in me has set my sight beyond my present circumstances for I have faith in what I can do and where these abilities will take me. Therefore when I encounter a temporary setback like I often do, I simply remind myself of that faith and I am then able to pick up the pieces and move forward.
Be present and enjoy the journey because life is real art. It is said that art is an imitation of life. That tells me that life, itself, is actually the most authentic art. I am responsible for making a great art piece out of my life! This is an on-going lesson and I will end with this poem I wrote a while back that says it quite aptly.

Living

If you must live, live purposefully.

Live wholesomely.

Don’t waste your days in the unknown tomorrow.

If you do, someone else, your days, might borrow.

Live in the now.

Live in the how.

If you must breathe, breathe happily.

Life is not meant to be lived grumpily.

I am speaking to myself too, you see,

I have been living in my tomorrows

And dwelling on my yesterdays

So I was seldom in the moment

Letting today’s joy pass me by

Letting yesterday’s pain cripple me

I have lived in the now too

But what if I always did?

What if you and I were to pause

Not project or postpone but right this second repose

Find rest, find refreshment in simple words transferred

From my mind to yours

In a heartbeat, you, feel what I feel

Drawing from anything these words instill

In this instant you and I can live together

For once this instant is gone

It is gone forever.

And in the coming minutes, breathe on, live on.

For if you must breathe, breathe gladly

If you must live, live delightedly.

Not waiting for the accomplishment of your dreams

Not waiting for the end of the storm

But right here, right now

Stop and smile

Breathe in, breathe out

Live in the how of now.

Keziah Elaine Ayikoru

In The Storm’s Heart (2)

Affirm Who You Are.

Never lose your dignity and always stand in your identity. Desperate times come with the urge to make desperate decisions. It is really hard, in practice, to resist doing a crazy thing so that you can assuage your pain. You may be filled with all sorts of crazy thoughts but you need to stand firm and do the right thing even when it is hard to do the right thing. You can keep in touch with yourself by affirming who you are and reminding yourself of your values when temptations arise.

I am currently going through a break-up and all sorts of thoughts come to my mind. There is a temptation to numb the pain by seeking distractions. I was not ready for the situation because I had built real hopes and dreams with my ex and before this year, I did not even imagine being in the place I am in currently. But life happens. What keeps me sane is knowing who I am, and knowing that in this moment, I need to keep my heart intact for me more than anyone else. Also, in all the drama, I strive to keep my principles despite the temptation to deal with the pain in unspeakable ways. However, if I didn’t know who I am or if I didn’t have any principles on which I stand, I could have completely lost my balance in this time.

I need to add that when you have friends that know you so well, love you for who you are and appreciate your set of values, they will help you to keep in check with who you are too.

Keep Walking.

I have learnt that whatever the situation, keep moving forward. Keep pursuing your goals everyday regardless of how you feel on the inside.

For the past few months, my relationship was in turmoil. Many times, it bothered me because I never seemed to be able to solve the situation despite my best efforts. This had a big effect on how I felt on the inside and I admit, many times I cried and hurt.

However, I still made the decision everyday to get up and do all my assignments, to keep running my business and doing other work, as well as keep on interacting with other people happily. Even in the difficult time, God gave me the ability to keep encouraging others, to keep loving my friends and family and to keep sharing my heart and letting people into my life.

Life is a rolling ball and you must keep rolling with it. I have learnt that there is still joy to be found in those times when you are low. Nothing in life can be so bad that it completely eliminates every other good thing there is about life. There are still birds that fly and flowers that blossom even in the worst of times. Do not let bitterness overcome you to the point that all of life seems grey and you lose the sense of appreciating the good things that still exist.

The result of keeping on walking in my life has been the successful completion of YALI RLC EA’s leadership program, CDEA-IIDEA incubation program and a writing course with Uganda Faith Writers, among other things. I am not saying these things to boast my profile but to emphasize that when the going is tough, DON’T STOP WALKING, DON’T STOP DOING YOUR BEST, DON’T GIVE UP.

Keep the faith, keep the hope, keep your dreams alive.

Join me to close these short series with a poem in the final part titled “In The Storm’s Heart (3)” on 8th June. Thank you for reading.

Until next time, I will keep you in my heart and mind.

-Keziah Elaine Ayikoru-

NOTE: All images used in this article are downloaded off the internet through random searches and this blog does not claim any ownership of any of them.